[08/30] Of cities in dust

Day 08 – A moment, in great detail:

It was snowing now, light flakes betraying the morning sun’s promise of spring. I took a long moment in the doorway before I joined the crowd, fifty people moving in a hundred directions. To work. From work. To a friend’s home. To pick up the baby. To start a new job. To break up with their lover. To light the fireplace at home.

I feel insulated, now. The crowd protects me from the snow, the snow protects me from seeing anything too far away, and anything too far away doesn’t exist in any meaningful sense anyway.

I duck into a coffee shop for caffeine and quiet reading. I’ve spent so many hours of my life here, but it’s somehow different now, and there isn’t a flicker of recognition in the faces of anyone who looks up. I’m still insulated by the snow, by feeling like you’ve come home and found some other family watching your TV and eating off your plates.

I make my order and open the book to page one. It’s a beautiful place to be — fresh coffee, crisp pages, a new story in a familiar setting.


[06/30] Of leetness

Day 06 – Your hobbies, in great detail:

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what separates a hobby from something more serious. Is DJing a hobby? Baking? Gaming? Hacking? Fucking?

If you spend a few hours a week on something, is that a hobby? What if you’re passionate about it, if it consumes you and you spend all your waking moments in pursuit of it? Is it still a hobby then?

I’ve got a thousand records or so, but I wouldn’t consider it a hobby. I’m not a record collector. I’m just someone who loves music, and records are a very enjoyable means to an end.

I don’t paint miniatures or collect stamps. I write music, take photographs now and then, play video games, go through a lot of books, listen to a lot of music, and have a lot of things to say about copyright.

I’ve been doing the online journal thing for fifteen years or so, and on the rare occasion write other things too. I used to develop and teach web design and computer security classes (and I think I was Canada’s first Certified Ethical Hacker instructor), and spend waaaaay too much time on Wikipedia.

Do those count?

Postscript: According to Harris Interactive, these are the 25 most popular hobbies and leisure activities in the US:

  1. Reading
  2. TV watching
  3. Spending time with family/kids
  4. Computer activities
  5. Going to movies
  6. Fishing
  7. Gardening
  8. Walking
  9. Playing team sports
  10. Exercise (aerobics, weights)
  11. Golf
  12. Church/church activities
  13. Listening to music
  14. Watching sporting events
  15. Shopping
  16. Socializing with friends/neighbors
  17. Traveling
  18. Playing music
  19. Entertaining
  20. Renting movies
  21. Eating out/dining out
  22. Hunting
  23. Crafts (unspecified)
  24. Swimming
  25. Camping

[05/30] Of hearts and guts and heinlein

Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail:

Love is when you put your all chips next to someone else’s and bet double-or-nothing.

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it… It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.”

– Erica Jong

It means being willing to do the hard, difficult things that are necessary to smooth the road ahead; to tackle the things that neither of you are good at. Anyone can be loving while things are easy. It’s how you treat someone else when things are hard that is important.

It’s about being genuinely invested in someone else’s happiness, not just in how they relate to your own happiness. Helping them do things that you don’t benefit from, that don’t make you look good, that aren’t a comment on your relationship.

Love is not never having to say you’re sorry, it’s making a safe space for your loved ones to make mistakes in.

[03/30] Of apple trees and Newton’s law

Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail:

This is the kind of post that gets people in trouble. So a word of warning: If you’re the kind of person who stops reading something when people write “trigger warning”, if you’re related to me, or if you are ever likely to interact with me on a professional level, you should probably stop reading.

My father was a simple man.

Rather than trying to describe him, I will instead just copy and paste a few actual real-life headlines that might come up if you were to hypothetically search a comprehensive media database for his name, in no particular order:

  • Aylmer man to be tried for first-degree murder
  • Witness says arson accused was ‘crazy’
  • Four of seven men charged in Hull killing to be tried in Montreal
  • Hull bar operator sues police
  • Two found not guilty of arson conspiracy in Commercial Tavern fire
  • 2 get life terms for torture death
  • Bar gets liquor licence back; Judge rules Hull business’s rights violated
  • “King of Coke” busted in undercover sting operation

…and just for kicks, here’s an excerpt from one of the articles, slightly edited to protect the guilty:

He is known in the region for sit-up marathons to raise money for charity. But he also has a lengthy criminal record, including drug possession, plotting to traffic cocaine, obstruction of justice in a murder at the bar and failure to register a firearm. At liquor board hearings last year, RCMP Sgt. Paul Theriault testified that he was the head of a vast drug-trafficking organization tied to cities in Canada and northern United States.

Over a 3 1/2-year period, police said they intervened 63 times at the basement bar in Hull. Sixty people were charged with various crimes. Some of the complaints range from refusing to evacuate the bar after an anonymous bomb threat in 1988, to packing in 280 patrons though fire regulations allow only 187.

One woman was beaten at the bar after refusing advances from two pimps who wanted her to prostitute for them. Another woman had a broken glass ground into her face after refusing a man’s sexual advances.

He’s a fairly entitled fellow, having grown up in a castle in Turkey on a street that bears his family’s name (which has since been taken over by the Turkish government, and turned into a museum and movie set).

He’s also the reason my mother and I moved around so much when I was young; we had to stay one step ahead of him and his friends. The most time I ever spent with the man was when he kidnapped me as a child, I think, but the details are hazy. I did make an attempt to get to know him during my early teenage years, where he made his only positive contribution to my life: full access to a nightclub, dj gear, and a night of the week to do what I wanted with.

Sometime around this period we were made aware by the RCMP that my family and I had been under 24/7 police surveillance for years (sorry about that, Josh), and could expect to be under periodic surveillance pretty much forever (sorry about that, everyone I’ve ever lived with). It is also around this time I learned that, even if you’re guilty of a crime, if the police don’t like you they will just plain make shit up and and try to fuck you as hard as they can.

I haven’t seen him in years. He used to make a point of showing up outside my office if I started a new job, or calling me at other people’s houses when I was travelling (sorry about that, Amanda), but I think he’s lost interest. Last I heard, he married a Russian girl my age and is settling down somewhere. (If you want to know where, just look for the city that has the most carbombings of white Jeep Grand Cherokees with gold runners.)


I feel less comfortable telling her story, mostly because there are a lot of fresh wounds there. But I’ll try to describe her, at least briefly:

She spent time in Mount Cashel’s sister orphanage, taught me how to put on lipstick and eyeshadow, saved my ass when I was buying hot computers for the mob and a deal went bad, tried to pay one of my friends to sleep with me, would slap me if she ever saw me riding a bike that wasn’t a Harley, made a lot of terrible decisions, always did everything in her power to keep me safe as a child, and was so adversarial that I left home before I was old enough to collect student welfare.


What’s tomorrow’s meme topic? “What you ate today, in great detail”?

Man I am looking forward to that.

[02/30] Of beginnings and endings

Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail:

It was 1998, I had just turned nineteen, and her name was Amanda. She had come with a friend to a birthday weekend cottage trip, and I think I started to fall for her when I realized she knew all the samples on The Prodigy Experience. We stayed up all night together on the beach, and it wasn’t long after that before we said ‘I love you’.

We spent a summer together doing all the things young people in love do, and then she moved to Peace River. Between long love letters and a week-long Christmas visit (via a 3-day Greyhound ride), we kept up a long-distance relationship for six months or so before it ended.

When I was a teenager, I used to lie like it was going out of style. It didn’t matter what. Big lies, small lies, brilliant lies, stupid lies. I lied if I liked you, I lied if I didn’t like you, I lied if the sun came out from behind a cloud, whatever. So when I realized that Amanda was The One, I wanted to make the foundation of our relationship an honest one. I told her about all the big, small, brilliant and stupid lies I had told her and all of our mutual friends. And, unsurprisingly (although quite surprisingly at the time) she said she couldn’t trust me and that was the end of that.

Looking over my old (unpublished) website archives, I found this Valentine’s Day entry from 1999:

“Good night, Jairus.” she said through tears, and I knew we wouldn’t speak again, not the way two people in love do.

There was a click, and the line went dead. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, I thought. There was supposed to be a happily-ever-after, or at the very least a horribly cliched breakup, something I could write about in my diary.

But there wasn’t. There was only the dull hum of the line, and me standing in the kitchen, feeling very, very much alone.

I mostly remember being stunned; I didn’t quite get how being honest with someone could mean that they wouldn’t trust you anymore.

Everything changed after that. I realized that if The Person Who Loves Me Most couldn’t handle being close to me, then I was likely doing something wrong. I wrote an open letter to my friends, letting them know that I had lied to all of them, each and every one.

The fallout was exactly as bad as you might think it would be. Some people didn’t care. Some people forgave me, but we were never really close after. Some people never spoke to me again. Some people screamed at me until they cried.

Years later, I rebuilt a friendship with Amanda. There were a lot of mea culpas, a lot of tentative steps to figure out if as adults we were interested in opening up again after caring so much about each other as teenagers. We spent time together on the rare occasions we were in the same city, dropped little notes to each other in tough times, talked about old friends and old stories.

Then, a few months ago, I said to her that rainbow parties are myth and moral panic and it was crazy to be worried about the dangers they pose to her unborn child, and she de-friended me on Facebook.

So that’s nice.

[01/30] Content Creation Meme, first in a series

Day 01 – Introduction:

I’m Jairus. I’m 31 years old, male, and I live in the city I was born in; Ottawa, Canada.

I work as the Web Communications Coordinator for a Crown Corporation, a stone’s throw from Parliament Hill. I’m trying to cut down on the amount of groups/classes/etc that I identify as, but my Twitter bio claims that I am a DJ, hacker, electronic musician, designer, and copyright nerd. Things I am not include: white, straight, vanilla, liberal/conservative, religious, or good with money.

I don’t remember much of my childhood, which is probably for the best. I have a lot of siblings, but grew up with my mother, and my brother Josh. (My younger brother named Josh, that is. I also have an older brother named Josh. It’s complicated.) As a teenager I was very good at hacking, stealing, telling stories, being homeless, making friends, lying, and Quake. I moved to Toronto with my then-girlfriend (Jessica) and then-roommate (Venk) shortly after I got a job and a home, and spent a few years there alternately making crazy dot-com money and surviving on a bag of unwashed rice and other people’s leftovers.

After coming back to Ottawa and spending most of my 20s living and loving with the multi-talented DJ Leslie and a rotating cast of friends, foes, and family, I struck out on my own last year, and now live alone in Chinatown with two feral kittens, three video game systems, and four single-purpose kitchen appliances. I’m madly in love with the beautiful Audra Williams, and try to avoid having Facebook describe any of my other relationships as ‘complicated’.

I’ve just returned from a 5-week tour of the United States and Canada (playing the final show tomorrow at Zaphods, where I’ve DJed with Leslie for nearly a decade), and am really looking forward to figuring out what it is I want to do next.

Continue reading

me meme

A list of the top 106 books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded but you never actually crack the cover.

Bold the ones you’ve read, underline the ones you read for school (I don’t recall having to read any of these for school), italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish. Put an asterisk * next to the ones you’d read again or recommend to someone, even if you originally read them for school.

1. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell *
2. Anna Karenina
3. Crime and Punishment *
4. Catch-22 *

5. One Hundred Years of Solitude
6. Wuthering Heights
7. The Silmarillion
8. Life of Pi : a novel

9. The Name of the Rose
10. Don Quixote
11. Moby Dick

12. Ulysses
13. Madame Bovary
14. The Odyssey
15. Pride and Prejudice
16. Jane Eyre
17. A Tale of Two Cities
18. The Brothers Karamazov
19. Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies *
20. War and Peace
21. Vanity Fair
22. The Time Traveler’s Wife
23. The Iliad
24. Emma
25. The Blind Assassin
26. The Kite Runner
27. Mrs. Dalloway
28. Great Expectations
29. American Gods *
30. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
31. Atlas Shrugged
32. Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
33. Memoirs of a Geisha *
34. Middlesex
35. Quicksilver
36. Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
37. The Canterbury Tales
38. The Historian : a novel
39. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
40. Love in the Time of Cholera
41. Brave New World *
42. The Fountainhead
43. Foucault’s Pendulum

44. Middlemarch
45. Frankenstein
46. The Count of Monte Cristo
47. Dracula
48. A Clockwork Orange
49. Anansi Boys *
50. The Once and Future King
51. The Grapes of Wrath
52. The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
53. 1984 *
54. Angels & Demons
55. The Inferno *
56. The Satanic Verses

57. Sense and Sensibility
58. The Picture of Dorian Gray
59. Mansfield Park
60. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
61. To the Lighthouse
62. Tess of the D’Urbervilles
63. Oliver Twist
64. Gulliver’s Travels

65. Les Misérables
66. The Corrections
67. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
68. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
69. Dune *
70. The Prince *

71. The Sound and the Fury
72. Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
73. The God of Small Things
74. A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
75. Cryptonomicon *
76. Neverwhere

77. A Confederacy of Dunces
78. A Short History of Nearly Everything
79. Dubliners
80. The Unbearable Lightness of Being *
81. Beloved
82. Slaughterhouse-Five *

83. The Scarlet Letter
84. Eats, Shoots & Leaves
85. The Mists of Avalon
86. Oryx and Crake : a novel
87. Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
88. Cloud Atlas
89. The Confusion
90. Lolita
91. Persuasion
92. Northanger Abbey
93. The Catcher in the Rye
94. On the Road
95. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
96. Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything *
97. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

98. The Aeneid
99. Watership Down *
100. Gravity’s Rainbow
101. The Hobbit
102. In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
103. White Teeth
104. Treasure Island
105. David Copperfield
106. The Three Musketeers

Sit yourself down, take a seat/All you gotta do is repeat after me.

To start off the new year, I will be giving you good people a SECRET LOOK into the life of Jairus. Completely uncensored, here is a look at the deepest secrets of my browser’s history — I will type a letter into my address bar, and give you the first URL that shows up.

A – Ask MetaFilter. It’s where all the snarky people go to ask snarky questions of each other. Of note is this answer to “how do you get rid of the body?”

B – xbox-sky Tracker. Soon-to-be-closed BitTorrent tracker for xbox games, apps, and assorted files.

C – CamWorld. Boring weblog. I’m not sure why I visit it.

D – Die Puny Humans. The old home of Warren Ellis, comic book author. Some of my work has been featured there once or twice.

E – Industrial Music @ Wikipedia. I’ve pretty much re-written this article from the ground up. It’s incredible, the things people will write. For example, someone added this (now removed) bit to the entry today — I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried:

It is generally accepted that the term “industrial music” was coined in 1995 when a member of Korn described their music to the London Tabloids as “Industrial”. It was a way to describe the psychotic heaviness of the sound and the alternative intstrumentation. Korn would sometimes use more than one guitar and occasionally add sound effects to make the guitars and / or vocals sound “crunchy”. Like machines.

Marilyn Manson. The creators of the genre before its name? Use of Synthesizers and Guitars created the foundry for this style of angry emotion laden music. Bands like Kraftwerk and Coil attempted this type of thing but in the end failed and were forgotten. Skinny Puppy, originally hailing from the great white north, were often lumped into the “Industiral” category, though they weren’t experimental enough to be truly considered. They too were forgotten.

F – The Awful Forums. The best ten dollars I’ve ever spent.

G – Gmail. The power of the Google is so strong that while creating the Gmail link, I actually typed in “a gref” instead of “a href”. It’s spooky.

H – Henry’s Cameras. I think I was hoping for an elite Boxing Day sale. BUT FOR NAUGHT!

I – Instant Bankroll. Free $100 when signing up for a new PartyPoker account. Huzzah.

J – Jean Snow. A fantastic weblog by a photographer living in Ikebukuro.

K – Kottke. The content of the site itself isn’t terribly interesting, but there’s a lot of good meat in the linksbar on the right.

L – You.

M – MetaFilter. Home of pancakes.

N – Google News – When you need to know the news, and you need to hear it from 918 different sources.

O – OEM Express. Where my new computer lives. They just don’t know it yet.

P – Derek Powazek. Master of The Fray. Mostly, I’m just trying to figure out how his fancy photo backend works.

Q – Q Daily News. A pediatrics doctor in NYC. Also, MetaFilter lives in his closet.

R – I would like a box of these.

S – SpaceWeather. It’s weather… FROM SPACE!

T – Tiny Nibbles. Weblog of a “hardworking sex writer, editor, adult book and video reviewer and machine artist”. She mostly writes about sex now, but she used to write a lot about her work with Survival Research Labs, which is/was much more interesting.

U – UseableType – Typography for the World Wide Web.

V – Video Game Music Archive – Eighteen thousand video game MIDI files. What was that? I couldn’t hear BEEP BEEP BEOOO SQUARRR WOKKAWOKKAWOKKAWOKKA

W – Wikipedia. A free-content encyclopedia that anyone can edit, and the single best use of the internet I’ve seen.

X – XVI. Ottawa club/rave community website.

Y – Yay Hooray business card show-off thread. The Buzz Creative one is fucking brilliant. There are Prev/Next links at the bottom, if you want to see more.

Z – Zeldman. Master of CSS, Champion of A List Apart, and King of Happy Cog.

I wish LJ had room for more than 3 icons.

Music Meme

Step 1: Open your MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first fifteen songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.

1. Frontline Assembly – Schicksal
2. Marilyn Manson – Down in the Park
3. Nine Inch Nails – The Becoming
4. Shiro Hamaguchi + Shinko Ogata – Succession of Witches
5. Lou Reed – Take a Walk on the Wildside
6. DNTEL – The Dream of Evan and Chan
7. Squaremeter – Thus Began Also…
8. Andraculoid – Kontrol.Ingest
9. Beth Orton – Devil Song
10. Swamp Terrorists – Jerks Ever Win (Dub)
11. Coil – Where Are You?
12. Converter – Error
13. Masamichi Amano – Memory
14. Tsuyoshi Sekito – Dead Music
15. Coil – Finite Bees

Random stupid Simpsons quote

The best…

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
5. Schindler’s List (1993)

6. Citizen Kane (1941)
7. Casablanca (1942)

8. Seven Samurai (1954)
9. Star Wars (1977)
10. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
11. Memento (2000)

12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

13. Rear Window (1954)
14. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
15. Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

17. Usual Suspects, The (1995)

18. Amelie (2001)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Psycho (1960)
22. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
26. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)
27. Goodfellas (1990)
28. American Beauty (1999)

29. Vertigo (1958)
30. Pianist, The (2002)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Apocalypse Now (1979)
33. Some Like It Hot (1959)
34. Matrix, The (1999)

35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Taxi Driver (1976)

37. Third Man, The (1949)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Fight Club (1999)
40. Boot, Das (1981)

41. L.A. Confidential (1997)

42. Double Indemnity (1944)
43. Chinatown (1974)
44. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
45. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
46. Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
47. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
48. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)
49. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
50. All About Eve (1950)
51. M (1931)
52. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
53. Raging Bull (1980)

54. Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
55. Se7en (1995)
56. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000)
57. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
58. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

59. Vita e bella, La (1997)
60. American History X (1998)
61. Sting, The (1973)
62. Touch of Evil (1958)
63. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
64. Alien (1979)

65. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
66. Rashemon (1950)
67. Leon (1994)

68. Annie Hall (1977)
69. Great Escape, The (1963)
70. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
71. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
72. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
73. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
74. Jaws (1975)
75. Amadeus (1984)

76. On the Waterfront (1954)
77. Ran (1985)
78. Braveheart (1995)

79. High Noon (1952)
80. Fargo (1996)
81. Blade Runner (1982)

82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Aliens (1986)
84. Toy Story 2 (1999)

85. Strangers on a Train (1951)
86. Modern Times (1936)
87. Shining, The (1980)
88. Donnie Darko (2001)

89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Princess Bride, The (1987)
91. Lola rennt (Run Lola, Run) (1998)

92. City Lights (1931)
93. General, The (1927)
94. Metropolis (1927)
95. Searchers, The (1956)
96. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
97. Notorious (1946)
98. Manhattan (1979)
99. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
100. Graduate, The (1967)

And now the worst…

1. From Justin to Kelly (2003)
2. ‘Manos’ the Hands of Fate (1966)[M]
3. Future War (1997) [M]
4. Gigli (2003)
5. Space Mutiny (1988)[M]
6. Troll 2 (1990)
7. Eegah (1962)[M]
8. Hobgoblins (1987) [M]
9. Backyard Dogs (2000)
10. Santa with Muscles (1996)
11. Werewolf (1996)
12. Going Overboard (1989)
13. Glitter (2001)
14. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)
15. Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
16. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)[M]
17. Kazaam (1996)
18. Leonard Part 6 (1987)
19. Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
20. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
21. Hercules in New York (1970)
22. It’s Pat (1994)
23. Baby Geniuses (1999)
24. 2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
25. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
26. Cool as Ice (1991)
27. Bolero (1984)
28. Mitchell (1975)[M]
29. Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
30. Teen Wolf Too (1987)
31. Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (1994)
32. Smokey and the Bandit III (1983)
33. Vercingetorix (2001)
34. Steel (1997)
35. Captain America (1991)
36. Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)

37. Mannequin: On the Move (1991)
38. Cat in the Hat, The (2003)
39. Rollerball (2002)
40. Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
41. Ringmaster (1998)
42. Problem Child 2 (1991)
43. Master of Disguise, The (2002)
44. Spice World (1997)
45. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995)

46. Cop & 1/2 (1993)
47. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
49. Street Fighter (1994)
50. Jaws 3-D (1983)
51. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
52. Double Dragon (1994)

53. Crossroads (2002)
54. Bats (1999/I)
55. Barb Wire (1996)
56. Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, An (1997)
57. FeardotCom (2002)
58. Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
59. RoboCop 3 (1993)
60. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
61. Mangler, The (1995)
62. Mac and Me (1988)
63. Iron Eagle II (1988)

64. Best Defense (1984)
65. Mr. Magoo (1997)
66. Grease 2 (1982)
67. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
68. Pokemon the First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1999)
69. Ticker (2001)
70. Mr. Wrong (1996)
71. Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
72. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
73. Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
74. Avengers, The (1998)

75. Jury Duty (1995)
76. Glen or Glenda (1953)
77. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
78. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)
79. Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
80. Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993)
81. Omega Code, The (1999)
82. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
83. Caddyshack II (1988)
84. Super Mario Bros. (1993)

85. Endless Love (1981)
86. Derailed (2002)
87. Kangaroo Jack (2003)
88. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
89. McHale’s Navy (1997)
90. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
91. Nothing But Trouble (1991)
92. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
93. On Deadly Ground (1994)
94. Batman & Robin (1997)
95. Pet Sematary II (1992)
96. Leprechaun (1993)

97. Stupids, The (1996)
98. Soul Survivors (2001)
99. Dudley Do-Right (1999)
100. Bio-Dome (1996)

we don’t need no stinkin dealies

My Interview Dealie
By Jairus Khan

Knowing where you got to now, would you have changed your youth for a more conventionally “happy” one understanding that you might have ended up somewhere else by now?

I almost said/typed yes there, for the first time ever in response to questions of that nature. That’s probably because I’m tired, and I’ve got sad music playing… but almost doesn’t count now, does it?

No. I wouldn’t have changed my youth for a more conventionally happy one. I’m happy with who I am, and I can’t guarantee that a more typically ‘normal’ Jairus would give a shit about the things that I care about.

It would’ve been nice, though, to have had stability at some point. I’d like to know what it’s like.

Do you get the giggles sometimes when you see and HTML form with a button that says “Submit” and think about how D/s computers and networks really are?

Strangely, yes.

If you could have one classic comic book style super power, which would you choose?

The power of illusion over my fellow man. All Mysterio-style. It would be an end to my financial woes, which is far more pressing, desperate, and disquieting than I let on. Not to mention, I could foil a holdup at the First National and get the keys to the city.

Failing that, it would make an interesting party trick.

If you had the uncontrollable urge to eat cabbage, but every time you did someone close to you got angry for ten minutes (not necessarily at you), how would you cope with this?


If it’s a given that the urge of cabbage-eatie is uncontrollable, and there’s no avoiding the angry people (ie, with sleep/drugs/godzilla/etc), I think I’d have to prepare a Cabbage Room, with all kinds of things that are good to hit. Punching bags, Wing Chun dummies, inflatable clowns that keep standing up when you knock ’em down, etc.

And hidden speakers with music piped in from outside the room, with a mixtape named “Celine Dion Surprise!”

Where do you find hope and comfort?

I find hope in my future – in knowing that this isn’t as good as it gets, and that soon the time of ass-kicking and name-taking will be upon us. There’s hope when I work with communities, there’s hope when I work with musicians, artists, people who give a shit about the world around them enough to educate themselves.

The people around me comfort me. I won’t delineate between friends/family/community/etc — My friends are family, and they are in turn my community, truly. There is nothing within my power that I would not do for them, if they needed it… But in my darker (and more melodramatic) moments, I find comfort in the fact that all things are a process, and that this, too, shall pass.

But mostly, I find hope and comfort with Leslie, my partner in all things.

Interview Dealie Rules:
1. Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I’ll reply and give you five questions to answer.
3. You’ll update your LJ with the five questions answered.
4. You’ll include this explanation.
5. You ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
6. I said phear squid_pantsthe pants!

stupid quiz

bunny_babe 60%
littleaphid 59%
dem 56%
dirtybunny 55%
cairde_luis 54%
tigertosser 45%
intercitykitty 43%
innoxia_ 42%
yulduz 36%
nextproblem 36%
demonalissa 36%
sickrobot 34%
crotchgoblin 31%
squid_pants 29%
gloominous_doom 26%
heartovmidnight 24%
neilx 22%
ironstar 22%
_descending_ 20%
violetnun 19%
substance_p 14%
joshfnlazer 13%
sloot 12%
siksyko 12%
oninochuck 12%
oninofro 10%
wildelf 9%
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orkillme 102%
sexbat 102%
butterfukky 98%
reyl 98%
spiderfarmer 98%
briela 95%
x_iris_x 95%
arkane 91%
converter 91%
error853 91%
heartovmidnight 91%
neilx 91%
teye 91%
threatis 91%
zoeanonymous 91%
ironstar 87%
lacomediedivine 87%
siksyko 87%
stinkey_e 87%
yulduz 87%
substance_p 86%
cairde_luis 84%
littleaphid 84%
divine 83%
burntflowers 81%
ironstar 81%
liquidab 81%
joshfnlazer 80%
miyoku 80%
poohkenstein 80%
_li 80%
skelectica 79%
azraiel 78%
baanrys 78%
oninofro 78%
crotchgoblin 76%
_descending_ 76%
wildelf 75%
oninochuck 74%
violetnun 74%
dem 72%
dirtybunny 72%
divafairy 72%
evilunderneath 72%
khryzt 72%
lumpy_lia 72%
sickrobot 72%
squid_pants 72%
gloominous_doom 70%
sloot 70%
angel_electric 69%
bunny_babe 69%
t0yb0x 69%
sloot 65%
demonalissa 61%
eloree 61%
innoxia_ 61%
lamewhore 61%
morguecrawler 59%
intercitykitty 58%
tigertosser 58%
nextproblem 54%
raggedy_ann 47%
How compatible with me are YOU?