Went in for my first session with the psychologist today, spending the whole time running through those behavioural psychology tests everyone’s done a hundred times. (Are you easily distracted from tasks? Do you have more trouble sleeping lately? Do you feel like someone is putting thoughts in your head?)
A lot of these were more interesting than I expected, and they ended up in a nice chart mapping out which parts of my brain are presumed to have more activity, based on some magic set of rules I didn’t see. The results seemed to make sense, which is encouraging.
With that said, it was troubling to answer some of the questions, because the honest answer (and the answer I’ve been living for two years or so) is so far removed from what I’ve answered every other time I’ve done these tests over the years, and equally removed from my own perception of who Jairus is. Jairus isn’t someone who prefers avoiding crowds, or gets upset easily. Jairus doesn’t stay up at night worrying about things he can’t control.
…or at least, Jairus didn’t, for most of his life. This just brings into focus how far away I am from who I used to be, and who I want to be.