I got nothing against him, but I’m definately gonna make orphans of his children.

I had a very sad entry here, filled with all kinds of horrible things about the world. Stories to make the sky weep.

However, I’ve decided it’s a bit too early in the morning for a narration of how hollow space really is and why we’ll never know if we’re alone or not, or a detailed account of how the poor girl who played Ducky (Yep! Yep! Yep!) in The Land Before Time was murdered by her father.

Instead, I’m going to leave you with some quotes from one of my favourite human tragedies, Mike Tyson:


“My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”

“How dare these boxers challenge me with their primitive skills? It makes me angry. They’re just as good as dead.”

“I could have knocked him out in the third round but I wanted to do it slowly, so he would remember this night for a long time… he was screaming like my wife.”

“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

“Lennox Lewis, I’m coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!”

“I’ll fuck you in your ass, white boy. You’re afraid of a real man. I’ll fuck you till you love me.”

“The one thing I know, everyone respects the true person and everyone’s not true with themselves. All of these people who are heroes, these guys who have been lily white and clean all their lives, if they went through what I went through, they would commit suicide. They don’t have the heart that I have. I’ve lived places they can’t defecate in.”

“There are nine million people who see me in the ring and hate my guts. Most of them are white. That’s okay. Just spell my name right.”

“I’m the most irresponsible person in the world. The reason I’m like that is because, at 21, you all gave me $50 or $100 million, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m from the ghetto. I don’t know how to act. One day I’m in a dope house robbing somebody. The next thing I know, ‘You’re the heavyweight champion of the world.’ … Who am I? What am I? I don’t even know who I am. I’m just a dumb child. I’m being abused. I’m being robbed by lawyers. I think I have more money than I do. I’m just a dumb pugnacious fool. I’m just a fool who thinks I’m someone. And you tell me I should be responsible?”

12 thoughts on “I got nothing against him, but I’m definately gonna make orphans of his children.

  1. I find it hard to believe he’d know the words “pugnacious” or even “defecate”.
    Then again, I don’t know anything really.

  2. My power feels discombobulating too!

    I started a really terrible comic, it might bring you happiness or make you feel even more disillusioned with the human race. Then again, maybe I’m just flattering myself and it won’t have any effect whatsoever.

    It’s posted on my lj, the two most recent posts.

    You and dirtybunny need hugs.

  3. That is the funniest shit I’ve read in a really long time. I’ve just saved it all to my hard drive. Oh my lord… thank you for posting this

  4. Wow.

    Mike Tyson is the coolest human ever. I am going to work hard to try and talk like that guy. No, really. ‘I’m gonna fuck you till you love me?’ That shit is fire!

  5. I’m tucking this question for you way back because i don’t think anyone needs to really know too much about this. And then I saw this entry again, and thought it was kind of fitting.

    there’s someone from this ip 70.51.154.115 harrassing a friend of mine. at least, we think it’s this ip. my friend has cancer, and 4 children and the person wrote terrible things to her wishing that her tumour grow and her children died, and then processed to call the equivalent of CAS on her, that they came to her hours merely 2 hours after the call.

    someone managed to copy all the files down from this persons journal, not sure if it’ll make a difference to you, but its here.
    http://s4.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=31TCWFQKMYAHH0QA8P9DP3T85N

    apparently the IP is coming from toronto, but for some reason i just can’t buy that it actually IS someone from toronto.

    is there anyway that you can help locate this person? i would most sincerely appreciate it, and if there’s something I can do for you in return, i will.

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