Dreams, always more dreams.

Lost in fields of opium and daggers, with red grass too tall to provide any real sense of safety. Above me, below me, around me. Red.

On my hands. Staining my clothes. Dried under my fingernails. Caked on the gun.

This was the fifth time they’d sent people, and I expected it’d be the last. These ones knew about us. They knew where we hid the money, where we hid the drugs, where we had come from, and most importantly, that we didn’t do it.

Our guilt was of no consequence to them, however, and it was kill or be killed.

We had spent over half a year building our life away from this. We had moved from the place we loved, we had given up our friends and family for the chance at a life together. Somehow we knew it’d end like this. We knew they wouldn’t forget us.

At least we were together. At least we could die holding hands.

If I could find her in the grass before they found us.

(The older I get, the less I understand how people cope with their dreams. How am I supposed to go out and interact with people tonight, when I just spent the last five months in a place of pain and loss? The fact that it didn’t happen in the way that ‘real things’ happen makes it no easier for me to deal with. I was there. I lived, I ate, I slept, I felt. It was as real and immersive to me as this waking world is now.)

15 thoughts on “Dreams, always more dreams.

  1. that’s why they’re night terrors, love…they don’t feel like regular dreams…it doesn’t have to be bloody & gor[e]y to be terrifying, as you are so painfully aware…

    i wish there was something more i or any of us could do.

  2. Sounds like a form of anxiety or panic disorder, which I know very well. I also often don’t know the difference between waking and dreams, which isn’t the same. Still, I agree, the emotions are real because you lived it, your brains processes input, and responds. So the input was internal, stimulation of the brain took place and it responded.

  3. he has them all the time, or at least what seems like the majority of nights…it’s awful for him, as he has the sense of time of literally months passing.

    he has woken from dreams that feel like months or even years, so exhausted that he has to sleep an entire day or more to recover…of course then sometimes he has night terrors then too, when trying to recover…it’s no wonder he can get insomnia soon after…

    i wish we had some way to even just ease the effects…

  4. I never feel like more then a day or so passes, no where near as bad. Is this somewhat recent? Or for a long time now, just thinking it might be from meds for the knee and a change of drugs there could help if it’s a more recent thing.

  5. ‘I just spent the last five months…’

    I’m curious: five real-time months of dreams,
    or did you live five months in one dream?

    I’ve always thought about all I could learn if I got to spend a few years in the akashic records … one night’s dream where time stands still.

  6. he’s been stubborn and hasn’t even been taking pain meds, hardly at all anymore over the past months…he’s even let his prescription run out in early nov. and hasn’t asked for refills…feel free to smack him.

  7. Long time… ever since I was too young to remember anything -but- dreams. I’ve lived more in dream-time than I have in the waking world.

  8. amazing…
    I’m sorry that they’re nightmares.
    If that much time in the dreamworld were put to positive purpose, well, I imagine you could wake up knowing calculus… or such.

  9. The lucid dreams I’ve had have been very short, for the most part. I studied lucid dreaming for a while in an attempt to ‘take back’ my dreamspace, or some such, but on the occasions that I was able to recognize I was dreaming, and take control of the dream, I either woke up shortly after, or the dream spun itself out of my control.

  10. mmm, the demons in the subconscious still rule.
    I was thinking that so much time could be put to great use if you were in control of what you dream…
    learn the hidden secrets of Nod or whatnot.
    Such a shame to be victimized by what could be a unique and powerful psychic ability.
    There are too many monsters in the darkness. :(

  11. Ever read Steel Beach by John Varley (I think)? It touched on something similar, were the computer ruling the society put memories into the citizens of lifetimes into the citizens as a form of therepy to help them recover from traumas or prevent breakdowns. I’m not really doing it justice here, sorry.

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