this is what happens when leslie leaves me to my own devices

People always ask me how I stay so thin and fit. Here’s my secret diet. Today I ate:

Breakfast
1 glass of coca-cola
2 glasses of ginger ale
2 slices of margarine-and-peanut-butter toast
1 thick-and-juicy cheeseburger on a gigantico seasoned bun
1 bag of chips

Lunch
3 glasses of coca-cola
1/2 medium pizza
12 hershey kisses
2 packages of sweettarts

Dinner
4 glasses of coca-cola
1/2 medium pizza
1 twix chocolate bar
1 cookies-and-cream chocolate bar

Sweet jesus am I ever going to die young.

14 thoughts on “this is what happens when leslie leaves me to my own devices

  1. i see nothing wrong with this – usual fare for wizards really…

    all proteins should be served on bread, all liquids should be fizzy (helps with levitation), and everything else should be candy (which, in actuality, is a poor substitute for babies – what wizards *used* to eat for afters. some believe the switch from babies to candy detrimental but that has yet to be substantiated.)

  2. Perhaps one day soon I will try to make ‘The Meat Thing’ again…

    Then Jai, you shall remember what I truly good and honest (translating to Carnivore!) meal is.

    … I can already hear our arteries crying as they harden. But first, the cries of the animals.

    T.Oni

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