The answer lies in seeking

I used to spend my time on people who I know aren’t going to listen, on the off-chance that maybe, maybe some of what I say will make some sense to them, that I’ll make a difference, somehow.

In my heart, I know it doesn’t work that way.

I remember years of frenzied activities, stressful conversations, flamewars, debates, all of it. I remember throwing myself at countless brick walls, trying to knock them down through sheer force of will.

But still, stone remains stronger than flesh.

At my worst, at my most vulnerable and drained, I found someone to teach me, to help me cope with the world. Three lessons above all else: We are all responsible for our own happiness, whatever I put my efforts into will increase, and to choose my battles.

I try to keep these close to me in all things. I try to make sure that any cause I devote myself to is positive, just, and not outside of my reach. We can spend forever fighting on the ground to see who will be first to reach the stars.

I still feel these things are true.

There is a solution here. There is an answer, somewhere within these words and these walls.

There is truth, if I can find it.

4 thoughts on “The answer lies in seeking

  1. Sometimes I wonder if any lessons I may pass on will be followed or listened too. I see it tho when I actually pay attention, the little things. A seed planted may take a while to nuture, to grow and fully blossum. I have seen much strength and resolve within you over the last 4-5 years since we first met.

    You have a made a diffrence. I know this in my heart of hearts.

  2. We are all responsible for our own happiness – denies the impact of outside influences and others, therefore placing blame on the individual if they are unhappy

    whatever I put my efforts into will increase – so we shouldn’t try to focus on the bad things in life? we should ignore them and tra-la-la along putting effort in only ‘nice’ things? how does this help deconstruct the bad that is there already at all?

    choose my battles – if you aren’t going to always fight for what you feel is good then you aren’t being genuine or true to your beliefs…this can easily be an excuse for avoiding conflict…i say choose the method each battle, but don’t be a coward and run away from standing up against things you feel are unhealthy and bad for the greater whole/good.

  3. We are all responsible for our own happiness – denies the impact of outside influences and others, therefore placing blame on the individual if they are unhappy

    Doesn’t deny impact of others, but ultimately, it’s your choice who the others are that you associate with, and how you associate with them (barring extreme situations, of course).

    whatever I put my efforts into will increase – so we shouldn’t try to focus on the bad things in life? we should ignore them and tra-la-la along putting effort in only ‘nice’ things? how does this help deconstruct the bad that is there already at all?

    If you’ve got bad shit going on, the efforts should be put into positive change regarding the bad shit, instead of focusing on the shit itself, and the negative impacts of it (read any 14-year-old’s LJ). I don’t ignore the negative, but I approach it with the goal of improving the positive, not minimizing the negative.

    choose my battles – if you aren’t going to always fight for what you feel is good then you aren’t being genuine or true to your beliefs…this can easily be an excuse for avoiding conflict…i say choose the method each battle, but don’t be a coward and run away from standing up against things you feel are unhealthy and bad for the greater whole/good.

    We are not limitless creatures. We are finite, and we wear out. Until that time, I will fight for what I feel both best serves my beliefs, and is not a colossal waste of time.

    Spending months trying to convince a stubborn 70-year-old gun-toting republican that ‘gays are people too’ is, ultimately, time that I could better have spent elsewhere, working for gay rights.

    This can be an excuse for avoiding conflict for others, but for myself it’s a way of maximising my influence, and being the best Jairus I can be.

  4. I havent read livejournal in like a month. This is an interestin’ post my friend. It has a message, and forces the reader(me at least) to think. It also brings a rather large – and I feel Key question to mind. Something very subtle, but just enough to make my brain do funny things. But I am going to go ahead and ask anyways. Who was this person, and why/how did they teach you these lessons? Were the volunteered, did you ask?

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