It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I’m all out of gum. Also, money.

It is a sad day today for old-school PC gamers. 3D Realms, the developers of Duke Nukem Forever, have shut their doors.

Duke Nukem Forever, the game that was promised to be a Quake II killer.  The game that was already so late by 2001 that they stopped announcing release dates. The game that had won the Vaporware Lifetime Achievement Award in 2003.

Now, we will likely never see the pixelated stripclubs and alien cops that were promised to us back in 1997.  All we have are a few minutes of footage from E3, and a handful of leaked screenshots and promo art.

In memory of what could have been, I will end this post with highlights from a list of things that have happened while DNF was under development:

  • Over 25 Final Fantasy games and 2 Final Fantasy movies
  • The entire Sims and Grand Theft Auto series.
  • Also Unreal, Dance Dance Revolution, Tony Hawk, and Halo.
  • The rise of P2P filesharing, including Napster.
  • All three Star Wars prequels, and the LOTR film trilogy.
  • Bullet time, Family Guy, South Park, and Harry Potter.
  • Two Mars rovers and the International Space Station.

…and things that happened in less time than DNF’s development took:

  • Everything The Beatles ever did.
  • The United States moon program.
  • World War I.
  • World War II and the entire Manhattan Project. Including the fucking atomic bomb.

Rest in peace, Duke.

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